Marriage Blog
How to Fight for Your Marriage (Without Fighting Your Spouse)
When a marriage is hurting, it is easy to start keeping score. Who said what. Who started it. Who is more wrong. But winning an argument and winning your marriage are two very different things. Fighting for your marriage means you stop fighting each other and start fighting for each other.
1. Remember who the real enemy is
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood" (Ephesians 6:12). Stress, exhaustion, old wounds and spiritual opposition all show up in the kitchen as an argument about the dishes. Name the real battle, and you can face it together.
2. Attack the problem, not the person
Street fighting has no rules: name-calling, bringing up the past, threatening divorce. Set ground rules together. Use "I feel" statements, keep conflict away from the children, and agree that either spouse can call a cool-off break when tempers rise.
3. Look for the win-win
If one of you wins and the other loses, the marriage loses. Ask, "What would a good outcome look like for both of us?" Real resolution takes listening, yielding and humility from both sides.
4. Pray for your spouse, not just about them
It is hard to stay bitter toward someone you are praying blessing over. Pray for your spouse's heart, health, purpose and walk with God. Then pray for your own heart to soften.
5. Don't fight alone
Couples who make it through hard seasons rarely do it in isolation. Invite prayer partners, a coach or a trusted pastor into the battle. That is exactly why Terrie hosts the Tuesday marriage prayer and fasting call.
Going through a hard season right now? Read The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Seasons of Marriage and remember that God is still writing your story.
Ready for help?
If your marriage needs more than a few tips, Christian marriage coaching gives you a plan and a coach in your corner.